art fuel no.1
confidence vs. courage – prospect-refuge theory – stand by me, 1986 – yakisugi (burnt cedar) – emotional foreplay
“Every single thing around you can be inspiring in a curatorial sense. Everything that you are taking in is going to inform the work that you’re doing…It’s a commitment to remaining open to inspiration or messages through any kind of art, or forms of knowledge through art, and committing to seeing things in new ways…It is deep diving into things that you think are interesting and trying to figure out a way to translate that magic.” – Lydia Ogwang’s interview in The Creative Independent
That is what I’m doing here. My art fuel is a curation of moments of clarity + things that excite every cell in my body. In sharing these sparkly tidbits that give me energy, I deepen into the trust that what I love is not random––it’s all leading me somewhere cool and how awesome that the journey can be this fun.
Each art fuel post will consist of 5 things that are fueling my soul. 5 simply because I was born at 5:55 PM and that numerical connection feels fun and sacred.
Weeee! Let’s get into it.
01 confidence vs. courage
I am no longer jealous of confidence, I’m jealous of courage. Confidence is what you perceive on the surface. It is what inevitably radiates from the core of someone who is routinely doing courageous things. It creates a glistening aura about them which is the self-trust they have built within themselves as they have felt fear and still done the thing. Deep down, we’re all scared. Even those that say fuck it. They simply know that the presence of fear isn’t the problem––it’s just a part of the process of doing cool shit. They feel the fear and do it anyways.
Confidence is great and is the natural by-product of going to bat for yourself again and again, but courage is the actual going to bat action. It is a moment-by-moment choice that is made. Courage is the reps we take to get us to the six pack that is true confidence. If you’re trying to get a six pack, after months of consistently showing up for your ab workouts day after day, one day you’ll wake up and be like holy fuck I actually have a six pack lol. The same goes with confidence. It feels illusive and mysterious until one day, after taking courageous action after courageous action x100, we realize, damn I’m actually pretty confident in this area of my life.
Confidence = courage + consistency
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anaïs Nin
We’re gonna see fear now and say oooooo I must be in the right place, I must be at a growth edge if I’m feeling this uncomfortable. Let’s do it, babe. Courage is the compass.
02 prospect-refuge theory
I have always been intrigued with urban design. I suspect the passion was born out of frustration given the lack of people-centric urban design in the US, especially in the car-worshipping city that is LA. It is why I so quickly fell in love with Copenhagen and why I try to spend every weekend at cafes and/or communal areas in nature if I can. Anyways, this paired with my love for design in general has led me to geek out on WHY certain places feel so good to our bodies and why others feel like shit, and what the aspects that make up high-quality human-centric design are on a deeper, psychological level.
Naturally I stumbled across Prospect-Refuge Theory which was created by human-geographer Jay Appleton in 1975 via his book The Experience of Landscape. His theory states that human’s “taste in art is an acquired preference for particular methods of satisfying inborn desires,” with the two desires being ‘prospect’ and ‘refuge.’
To think that our aesthetic tastes have grown out of a primal human need to observe what is happening around us (prospect) while also feeling slightly protected (refuge)… Hence why the cave was so enticing to us back in the day! We were able to observe the entirety of our landscape, including our predators and prey, whilst knowing we were safe, surrounded, and protected––that there was nothing behind us. We were able to see without being seen.
It is why at a park you’ll notice that people tend to gravitate to the edges, whether it be a bench or a tree trunk. Why sitting on a porch feels so dang lovely. Why the corner spot by the window is the most coveted table in a restaurant. On a biological level, we want to sit and survey––what a common human pleasantry that reminds us that we too are animals.
I love that we have transformed a survival advantage into our aesthetic taste and now call it beauty. We are still living as cavemen and don’t even realize it. I could get into how fight or flight is a primal response and how our bodies still think we’re getting chased by a lion when we get triggered at work yada yada yada but that’s the boring take on it. The fun take is that we now make glorified caves and worship them in a place called Architectural Digest. We now center our beds in the exact same orientation we would’ve centered our animals furs in our cave because it makes us feel the most safe with a proper view of the exit and now we call that feng shui. It makes me want to give kisses on the forehead to all of us lil humans, feisty for sure and quite cruel at times, but innocent and romantic at heart and just wanting to feel safe and secure like any other animal.
03 scene from stand by me, 1986
This scene cracks my heart open again and again, so much so that I’ve written it down in my journal and now here. Watch it here and also read it below––both experiences will touch you differently.
Stand by Me was based on Stephen King’s book The Body which he says was autobiographical minus the finding the body part. Supposedly when King was 4 years old he was playing with a friend at their house which was by some train tracks and during that hour-long playdate that friend got hit and killed by a train. His mom said King returned home pale-faced but he still claims to not remember it and denies it being the explanation behind his horror-infused art career.
I can’t help but think how the conscious mind intentionally blocks out intense trauma to ‘help’ our childhood brains (because we could never emotionally handle an experience like that at that age), and how the subconscious never forgets. And so hearing that he was shaking after his first time seeing this adaptation because it was so bone-chillingly accurate never ceases to give me goosebumps and make me tear up for him as it must’ve helped heal a big part of him. This movie makes me wish he was my son so I could give him all the love I have. It pulls at something primal in me, deep in my ovaries, nestled in my womb, that says I want a son so bad, SO so bad––just so I could make it right somehow…
But I digress, back to this specific scene: It’s almost more heartbreaking to me that this was delivered by a child to another child. Why any child should have the depth of that wisdom at such a young age makes my heart hurt. But also what an amazing friend. That’s what his book is all about anyways: “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anybody?” <3
Chris: I mean, you could be a real writer someday, Gordie.
Gordie: Fuck writing! I don't wanna be a writer. It's stupid. It's a stupid waste of time!
Chris: That's your dad talking.
Gordie: Bullshit!
Chris: Bulltrue! I know how your dad feels about you, he doesn't give a shit about you. Denny was the one he cared about, and don't try to tell me different! You're just a kid, Gordie...
Gordie: Oh, gee, thanks, Dad!
Chris: I wish the hell I was your dad. You wouldn't be going around talking about taking these stupid shop courses if I was. It's like God gave you something man. All those stories that you can make up, and He said, "This is what we got for you kid, try not to lose it." But kids lose everything unless there's someone there to look out for them. And if your parents are too fucked up to do it, then maybe I should.
04 yakisugi (burnt cedar)
I am in love with Japanese and Scandinavian design philosophies + techniques because they both have a deep appreciation for craftsmanship, durability, functionality, simplicity, and sustainability. Their attention to detail, design for longevity, and harmony with nature is unparalleled. Yakisugi is a perfect example of this.
Translated as “burnt cedar,” yakisugi is a traditional burning method to protect the wood sidings of Japanese homes. Three boards are bound together to form a triangle and a fire is lit at the bottom with some paper or wood shavings to burn 3-4mm of the surface of cedar planks. The burnt surface serves as a chemical-free way to treat wood from mold/decay and insects, and make it more fire retardant + water resistant.
“The material finds the right object…The natural environment, raw materials, and production, these three are inseparable. When they are as one…they are the products of nature.” – The Beauty of Everyday Things, Soetsu Yanagi
But as it unfortunately goes, yakisugi is slowly being seen as a new aesthetic for Western homes (ugh) and that kills me inside. When I was in Copenhagen for my study abroad, one of the first and most important things they taught us was that form follows function. When you focus on true, unencumbered function, it’s as if nature can’t help but make its form utterly beautiful.
When we emphasize an object’s visual aesthetics over its utility, you cut corners in the production process, you forfeit a sacred attention to detail, and you lose the object’s honest utilitarian purpose. It’s also a slippery slope into cultural appropriation because you’re globbing onto the vibe of something without caring about the historical significance nor meaning behind it, which is often found in its true functionality. Let’s not do that. Let’s instead remember that the work of the true craftsman, like yakisugi, is “sincere” because “it is the aesthetic result of wholeheartedly fulfilling utilitarian needs." (Yanagi)
“Crafts that adhere to nature receive the blessings of nature…Raw materials must not be thought of as merely physical matter, containing as they do the will of nature. Nature tells us the shape and pattern a material should assume…A good artisan seeks nothing that nature does not seek.” (Yanagi)
Here’s to nature informing function, function informing form, and beauty transpiring from this sincere devotion.
05 emotional seduction
Last but not least, I need to take my time (like lowkey months) before first having sex with a new partner. I share this because I think a lot of people feel shame around this need when they shouldn’t. Physical intimacy is sacred. You are not more difficult to love because you have this need. There is no rush and if there is, you’re with the wrong person.
What if instead of sucking the sexuality out of us and keeping it snug in a little crystal box until we’re ready to take it out, we let it roam free and slow dance with what is before us? What if the need wasn’t prude and lame, it was horny and hot? What if this need was really just us desiring…
Slow seduction. Long, sexy, emotional foreplay. Continual soul caressing. Arousal that moseys along with no rush, only trust. Seduction that says between soft kisses, don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere, take as much time as you need, my love.
That is what I need.
The best foreplay is not in the bedroom. It is in building the emotional foundation together and getting to know each others' souls before getting to know each others’ bodies. And so I am ready to be seduced by:
Your actions matching your words, again and again and again.
The way you always scoot yourself to the street side of the sidewalk when we stroll together.
How you make me throw my head back and make my forehead vein pop because I’m crying/wheezing laughing so hard.
The way you wipe my tears (that felt so safe as to come out in your presence) with your thumb so gently.
The way you call me terms of endearment (baby, sweetheart, my love, good girl) but also my name because to hear your own name on your lover’s lips is like no other.
Your loud declaration of your feelings for me that make me blush and say weeeeee! omg they’re talking about ME! on the inside.
Your knowing from the start that I was your one and your patience as you let me slowly realize that you too were mine.
xo,
Kristen
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